Welcome to Week 4

 

 

1. THE 5 PRIMARY SKILLS FOR CREATING THRIVING RELATIONSHIPS

Here is an article that I wrote that describes some of the primary skills that create high functioning and fulfilling relationships based on these 5 core skills. Click the link below to read it:

Evolutionary+Relationships+-+Shems+Heartwell

1. Commitment

2. Authenticity & Emotional Transparency

3. Responsibility

4. Purpose & Creativity

5. Appreciation

2. INTEGRAL LISTENING

For many of the couples I coach, one or both are not hearing what the other deeply wants or needs. So often we hear the words or notice the emotions and miss the message.

Sometimes the real message is layered under the words or behaviors of your partner.

To genuinely hear and understand your partner, you must listen from three places in your being.

1. From your Mind – Hear what is said and the meaning of that.

2. From your Heart – Notice the feelings and emotions of your partner.

3. From your Gut – Listen for your partner’s want or need that is beneath the words and emotions.

To listen from your gut takes practice and it is well worth it. How often in your life do you get a sense of knowing or intuition about a person or situation?

Usually, this deeper sense is accurate, right?

Do you listen to your partner in this way? Can you imagine what would happen when your wife or lover feels you listening with this much depth of presence and genuine curiosity?

All it takes to is your willingness to be fully present with your partner and listen from your whole body. Even if you don’t fully understand or get the message, you showing up this way is a form of healing medicine.

3. LOOP OF AWARENESS

Being centered in your experience is the best way to support your partner. When you are genuinely present with your whole experience, you are more available to be with another’s experience.

Loop Of Awareness is the practice of oscillating awareness of yourself and Atuning to your partner. It works very well with Inner Tracking and the practice of Integral Listening above.

We are always receiving information and noticing the people we are with and this is a way of giving healthy attention and loving energy to your partner and consciously being in sync or tune with them.

4. HEALTHY RELATIONAL CLEARING

Explore The Healthy Relational Clearing Model as a system to apply all that we are learning into a specific protocol to move through difficult conversations or disagreements. Watch the video below that goes over both LOOP OF AWARENESS and the HEALTHY CLEARING MODEL.

ALSO REVIEW THIS PDF ON: HEALTHY RELATIONAL CLEARING MODEL

 

5. UNDERSTANDING THE DRAMA TRIANGLE

 

Take a little time to get familiar with the Drama Triangle below. Notice how each position on the triangle (Hero, Victim, Villain) has healthy aspects to move toward.

HERE ARE TO INFO GRAPHICS TO HELP YOU UNDERSTANDING THE DRAMA TRIANGLE:

1.The first is by Patricia Morgan at www.SolutionsForResilience.com

Stop-the-Drama-Poster

2. The Second is by our friends at The Conscious Leadership Group:

CLG-Triangle Distinctions

Here are 4 action steps to step off the Drama Triangle and get Back Above The Line:

1. Speak and express your Authentic Experience Or Unarguable Truth

2. Listen from your whole being and respond with an acknowledgment of the others experience  (See Integral Listening Above)

3. Appreciate this person for who they are and what they want beneath their words or actions.

4. State a clear boundary with love and respect OR make a direct request for what you want.

WATCH THIS CLG VIDEO TO HELP YOU UNDERSTANDING THE DRAMA TRIANGLE:

Embodied Gratitude Practice

Guest Session With Trevor Spring

Trevor is a Men’s Coach, Mentor for Boys, father to two beautiful daughters, Nova and Jezebel, stepfather to Ruby and Nai’a, Beloved to Elisa Monique and brother to men around the world.  He lives on the Island of Oahu, Hawaii, at the intersection of fast-paced modernity and the volcanic primordial energy of South Pacific paradise.

After beginning men’s work in 2013, Trevor has been quietly building a body of work around deep connection and self-empowerment that makes an unshakeable foundation for Men’s Work.  He is offering Wild & Wise Online, a 6-week deep-dive into the primal of breathwork, exercise, lifestyle upgrades and brotherhood that begins on November 16.  Interested?  You can set up a short chat with Trevor to discuss the course here:

https://www.sacredsons.com/wild&wisecourse

 

Guest Session With Chris Cheung

On Shadow Work (36min)

Chris is a friend who I met at a Robert Masters Men’s Retreat a few years ago. He and his beloved are co-creating their body of relational work called, RELATIONAL ARTISTRY:

https://kindtrainer.com/relationalartistry

 

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